Dear Angelic Blog Buddies:
It is through tear filled eyes and with much sadness that I am writing this blog. On Monday, January 4th, 2010 my precious Jack Russell Terrier, Benny, died at 11:18 PM. Benny was 19 years old. Over the past year there were indications that Benny was moving towards heaven. I wrote a blog a few months ago about taking him to the vets for tests and bloodwork and being told to take him home and just keeping doing what I was doing abundantly: loving him.
Because I knew intuitively that the day Benny would be going to heaven was fast approaching, I prayed daily that 3 personal requests be fulfilled. I am so grateful to God that my prayers were answered. The first was that I would be home when it happened. I needed to be here with Benny. I needed to be by Benny's side.
It was Monday evening at 10:45 PM when I was sitting at my computer and I heard Benny yelp in pain. I flew down the kitchen and called to Chuck to come quickly as I knew Benny was dying.
My second and third requests were that Benny not be in any pain and that he transition quickly. Other than the initial yelp of pain, it did not appear that he had any suffering. He was laying on the floor of our kitchen, which was really Benny's condo as he could no longer go up the steps of our house. Because of how we had made the kitchen into Benny's personal abode, it now seems so empty and sterile. We had dog beds all over the floor so that wherever he decided to fall over and sleep, it would be comfy and cozy for him. A day or so before his death, I was watching him sleep and he looked like a little sultan peacefully sleeping in the center of an abundance of plumpy pillows.
After rushing to Benny's side, I found that he was laying down and I laid down beside him and a knowingness and clarity of the finality came over me. Even though his cataract filled eyes could no longer see, he knew I was by his side.
An amazing happening occurred. I was on the floor at the same level as Benny and all of a sudden he jumped up and looked me square in the eyes. His action totally took me by surprise. I even remembered feeling like my breath had been taken away by my surprise of his doing this. In that nano second, Benny's eyes were perfectly clear of cataracts. I felt as if with his energy he was holding my heart and saying to me, "I see you and you see me. We will never lose sight of each other with the eyes of our hearts."
He then laid down and quickly went from rapid earthly breathing that transitioned to slow earthly breathing. Finally there was no earthly breathing; just the knowing he was now breathing in heaven. I held him in my arms for the entire dying experience, rocking him gently, and unceasingly telling him of my love for him.
Benny had been by my side for 16 years. In 1994 I was living alone here at Angel Heights. I felt a huge void in my life and one day realized I needed a dog companion. I sat out to find a dog to rescue. The first two attempts I made resulted in being told that the dogs had just found homes. And then I saw a sign posted in the Upperco Post Office about a male Jack Russell Terrier that needed a home. When I saw Benny, it was love at first sight. I named him Benediction as I knew this dog was a blessing in my life. I called him Benny for short.
Benny came into my life on November 18, 1994. He died at 11:18 PM.
Benny helped me tremendously with the loss of my dear friend, Walt Blatt. At the end of February, 1995 - just two months after Benny came into my life, my friend, Walt Blatt, who was dying of cancer, came to my home to make his transition with the support of hospice. I had converted my living room into a hospice room for Walt. I remember one of the hospice nurses who came to check on Walt, looked around at the angel art and angel collection. The nurse commented that when it was her time she wanted to come to Angel Heights to be surrounded by angels. Benny was one of those angels surrounding Walt with love.
I had brought out a Black and Decker lantern style flashlight and kept it on the floor right beside Walt's recliner, just in case we lost electricity. On the day that Walt died, Benny did something he hadn't done before. He picked up the lantern with his teeth and ran through the house with the lantern. I knew that Benny, an angel with fur, was aware that the transition angels were positioning themselves to help Walt in his dying experience. Light was truly on the move at Angel Heights.
The day before Benny died, Chuck and I went out for a Sunday afternoon dinner in Emmitsburg, Maryland. We enjoyed a delightful, leisurely Sunday meal. I was watching everyone around us as they got their meals, dined and got their receipts. Nothing out of the ordinary was happening. The reason I share this is because after we got our receipt and paid the bill, the waitress came back to our table and handed me a single rose. No one else in the entire restaurant had been given a rose. The waitress said nothing. She just gave me the rose and left. I was thrilled to have a long-stem rose. Chuck and I both continued to comment to each other that we didn't know why it had happened, but it was really a kind gesture for me to receive a beautiful rose.
I truly believe that spirit was behind the gifting of the rose. Many of you who attend spirit message services know that loved ones in heaven very often extend a rose as a sign of love from heaven.
I shared in my book Driving Under the Influence of Angels, that I following Walt's death on March 1, 1995, I had asked the angels for a sign from Walt; a sign that he had arrived safely in heaven. In my mailbox the next day I receive a card with the poem: The Rose that Grows on the Garden Wall. It is a poem that tells of how a rose that once bloomed on one side of a wall had found a crack in the wall and was now growing on the other side of the wall. Additionally, someone had mailed me a cassette of the recording by Bette Midler of the song The Rose.
In November, while having a private consultation with a medium, my Dad, who is in heaven, came through and told me that when it was time for Benny to die, Dad was going to be with me and for me to be assured that Dad would take care of Benny for me. Dad wanted me to know that everyone was in position to receive Benny with open arms and great love and affection. While Dad was alive, he often called Benny his Grand-Dog.
Dad's message in the reading in November, the rose given to me the day before, all were ways that helped me through Benny's death. There is a huge hole in my heart and in our home.
A couple nights ago I was in the kitchen by myself. I heard a little bark and looked around because I thought that Riot, one of my two female Jack Russells, had joined me in the kitchen and was barking for attention. There was no one but me in the kitchen. I knew it was a sweet little hello from heaven from my Benny Dog.
I want to thank everyone who has been so kind in sending Chuck and me sympathy emails and cards. I have created a Benny memorial book and just as your love fills my life, your loving messages have filled the book and have been a huge comfort.
We had Benny cremated and were given his ashes yesterday. I will be having art created from a portion of the ashes. There is a company that uses a small amount of ash to create a beautiful heart. I want to have the heart near me to remind me of Benny's wisdom: We will never lose sight of each other. With the eyes of the heart we will always see each other.
Love in abundance, Jayne